The paradox of service

By Patrick Tan

I remember reading an inspiring story some time back, about a young boy who had suffered extremely serious burns all over his body in a horrific accident. It disfigured him to a devastating degree. While his injuries were very nearly fatal, by a miraculous turn, his doctors gave him a fighting chance of survival. But he had to endure excruciatingly painful skin grafts and a year-long stay in hospital in if he was to indeed live.

A boy his age, having been through the unimaginable trauma that he did, would have had every reason to succumb to self-pity and bitterness. But he did not. For the year that he spent in hospital, his doctors adored him as an ideal patient - crying only when the pain became truly unbearable, but never complaining. To the other patients, he was a role model. In between therapy sessions and the numerous skin grafts that he was subjected to, he would often be seen roaming the corridors, visiting other wards and doing what he could to try to cheer his fellow burn patients up. He was easily the most seriously-injured person and one of the youngest in the hospital, but he never saw himself as a victim of circumstance. He chose instead to direct his time and energy towards the benefit of others. This remarkable boy teaches us all an important lesson about the nature of service: it heals us as much as it heals the people we direct our hearts to.

Much of life’s truths are paradoxes - mysterious (and seemingly illogical) tensions between opposites that, if seen in the correct perspective and lived out in sincerity, produce a fulfillment of body, mind and spirit. Service - or servanthood - is one such paradox. The more energy and time we spend in the service of others, the more complete we become ourselves. Man is, by nature, a social creature and we find our true identity in the relationships we forge with others. Look deep into someone else’s eyes and what do you see but your own reflection.

By focusing on others, we burst the self-created bubble of self-absorption and allow our talents and abilities to reach out and touch someone else’s life. Otherwise, we stew in the vapour of our misdirected energy if we allow ourselves to be trapped in that bubble of self-concern. From a simple mathematical point of view, the more time we spend trying to alleviate someone else’s problems, the less we have to dwell on our own problems.

But there is also a false understanding of service. For example, I cringe when people encourage me to do mission work overseas “because we can learn a lot from the less fortunate.” It seems as though their intention for doing so has more to do with self-benefit; that others gain from their work becomes incidental to them. We should not use charity as an excuse to feel good about ourselves. True charitable service comes from a conscious choice made by an already-fulfilled individual, not from a need to fill a void in one’s own life or feel some semblance of self-worth. Simply put, you cannot give what you do not have; you must already be in a position to give. And that requires a healthy life philosophy and self-esteem.

I believe the ultimate form of service lies in the adage of not giving a man a fish, but teaching him how to fish. My most important mission is to build lives and prepare them to be servants to others themselves. That is how I serve my advisers in JNP.

But the spirit of service need not always be so profound. When I talk to my neighbours (elderly and lonely aunties who live just to pass their time) I consciously smile warmly at them in order to perhaps bring some cheer into their lives. I make an effort to greet the Bangladeshi cleaner at my estate, hoping that such a gesture would alleviate the loneliness he must be feel as a stranger in a faraway land. Such acts of kindness and service are within the capacity of everyone of us. Stop for a moment and touch someone else’s life, lifting him or her up emotionally and spiritually.

Serving others when we are requested to (on a mission trip overseas or some other organized initiative) is an easy and natural obligation. But perhaps making an effort to quietly serve others on a daily basis, even when convention does not require us to, may yet be the most profound effort in service we can make. And that too, is a greatly-rewarding paradox.

Patrick Tan is the founder and Group Partner of JNP. He is also an Executive Director on IPP's Board.